"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
-William Shakespeare

Signs of Aging You just can't stand people who are intolerant. The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off. You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm. Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by. The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. Your children begin to look middle-aged. You've finally reached the top of the ladder only to find it's leaning against the wrong wall. Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 96 around the golf course.

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives."
-Tony Robbins

Yo momma so fat she blocks the sun when she's out walking!

"How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone."
-Coco Chanel

"Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it."
-Leonardo da Vinci

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike. "How'd you get that, son?" "By hiking." "Hiking?" "Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

"Id rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not done."
-Lucille Ball

"The wisest men follow their own direction."
-Euripides

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day beforeThanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone."Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this," She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," hesays, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."