"The Creator has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do."
-Orison Marden

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something."
-null

What does NASCAR stand for? Non Athletic Sport Created Around Rednecks

"Live through feeling and you will live through love. For feeling is the language of the soul, and feeling is truth."
-Matt Zotti

One guy went to see a doctor because he had a hearing problem, so he met his friend and the conversation began! First guy: "Did the doctor give you your test results?" Second guy: "Yeah. Looks like all those years of phone sex caught up with me. I have hearing AIDS."

"I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime."
-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

"He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet."
-Joseph Joubert

"We must become the change we want to see."
-Mahatma Gandhi