"Success is determined by those whom prove the impossible, possible."
-James Pence

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail". Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games." The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating"...

"Fears are nothing more than a state of mind."
-Napoleon Hill

Who eats cereal and plays golf? Tony the Tiger Woods.

"Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first."
-Frederick Wilcox

There was a priest who decided to enter a monastery. This monastery had strict vows of silence. On his first day, the head abbot told him he could only speak two words every ten years.At the end of his first ten years, the head abbot told him he could speak his first two words. "Bed hard!" he said. The abbot recorded this in a book.At the end of his second ten years, he was told he could speak his next two words. "Food bad!" he said. The abbot recorded this in the book as well.At the end of the third ten years, he was allowed to speak his next two words. "I quit!" he stated."Well that doesn't surprise me," said the abbot. The record shows you've done nothing by complain for the past thirty years!"

"Every new day is another chance to change your life."
-null

I was traveling from Chesterton to Newcastle recently when I came across a sign which had fallen off its post at the crossroads. It was marked to Newcastle, Chesterton, Knutton and Silverdale. Unfortunately I didn't know which road to take to Newcastle and had hoped the sign would help. Luckily, I had a great idea which helped me put the sign back up pointing correctly to Newcastle. What was my idea? I simply pointed Chesterton back the way I had come and this left the sign in its correct orientation.

"Reality does not conform to the ideal, but confirms it."
-Gustave Flaubert

Why couldn't G-Unit take the bus? They only had 50 cent!