Yo momma so fat she blocks the sun when she's out walking!

"How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone."
-Coco Chanel

"Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it."
-Leonardo da Vinci

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike. "How'd you get that, son?" "By hiking." "Hiking?" "Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

"Id rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not done."
-Lucille Ball

"The wisest men follow their own direction."
-Euripides

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day beforeThanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone."Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this," She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," hesays, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

"A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds."
-Francis Bacon

Yo mama so skinny she had to run arround the shower to get wet.

"Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors."
-Dalai Lama